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this is how you SHOULD think.

is a little book full of big ideas about the basic structure of existence and how to live a life of joy and wonder.

From a baseline understanding of the holographic nature of the universe to the esoteric realms of soul retrieval and extraterrestrial communication, we dive deeply into the mysteries of what it means to be alive. 


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Why this is how you SHOULD think?

Learn How Reality Works

With full knowledge of how reality is actually functioning, one can navigate reality in new ways. Shortcuts appear that allow you to live in ways that most consider impossible.

Activate the Third Eye

Far from being a metaphysical analogy, the third eye is a physical eye in the middle of your head that helps you navigate time-space. With this skill, you can see and then choose your future.

Heal Past-Life Trauma

Past-life trauma can dramatically impact the way we are living now. When healed, chronic conditions often clear up instantaneously, allowing greater freedom and ease.

Hear the Voice in Your Head

You are not alone, not now, not ever. That’s right! There is always a voice in your head that will tell you what to do. Who needs a spouse!?

Makes a Great Gift

The only thing better than knowing how you SHOULD think is telling another person how they SHOULD think. That’s why I wrote the book!

Find Missing Soul Fragments

Voyage deep into the multiverse and recover chipped off pieces of your soul. Reintegrate them and watch with shock and amazement as you become a new and different person.

MORE THAN 0 LIVES CHANGED

READERS REPORT IMMEDIATE SYMPTOMS OF 5TH-DIMENSIONAL LIFESTYLE

Jenny Funkmeyer

I love Oti’s book. I think it’s really good and I think he’s very talented. I am happy I married him. Otis can you please pick up some quinoa on the way home?

Jenny Funkmeyer My wife
Donna Oehmig

My son is very special and I think everyone should read his book. See you at Christmas Otis!

Donna Oehmig My mom
Tippi

This book is really good for chewing.

Tippi My dog

TRUSTED BY THE MOST RESPECTED:

The Universe is a Hologram

So we start here huh? It’s just you and me now. I’ve never seen something so glorious. Except for maybe the hologram. You know, IT. Every so often you touch it. It’s what they talk about when you’re out there in nature and the sunset is just impossibly beautiful. Or when you get lost in the dance or the work or the love.

That’s when you see the whole thing how it really is. That’s when the full spectrum of the hologram’s beauty comes into view.

So what’s a hologram anyway? Ahhh, I thought you’d never ask! A hologram is a high-tech gizmo contraption where a laser shines through a piece of special film and causes a 3-dimensional image to be projected. Basically, it’s like R2D2 projecting Leia in “Star Wars.”

Let’s say you’ve got your laser ready and your piece of film and you wanna see Princess Leia. You shine your laser and there she is, in full glory. All your fantasies come true. But you think to yourself, what would be better than one Princess Leia? Well, duh. Two princess Leias!

So you, being the genius that you are, do the obvious. You cut the film in half. And now you shine your laser through both pieces of film and what do you get!? Your two Princess Leias, each half as tall as the original!

HUH!? How’d THAT happen? Let us agree, that is NOT what is supposed to happen. When you cut your poster of Leia into two, you just got the top half of her body in one piece and the bottom half in the other. So why is this different? Why do you get 2 fully formed, half-sized images of Leia? Well, that my friend is the beauty of holograms. The whole image is included in each PIECE of the image!

Let’s take this to its logical conclusion. What would be better than two Princess Leias? A MILLION Princess Leias! That’s right. Cut cut cut and there you go, one million pieces of film and one million itsy-bitsy microscopic Princess Leias, in full glory. It’s like the broomsticks in “Fantasia” all over again.

So now, to take this a little more seriously, a little more theoretically, let’s do our best to take this in. Each piece of a hologram contains the information for the whole hologram. When you cut it up, you just get smaller versions of the same thing. You can make them infinitely small and still, there you are with an infinite number of tiny tiny versions of your image.

That my friends is pretty crazy. And that my friends is how the universe itself works.

Our little hologram that we call home contains the whole thing in each little piece of itself. In other words, you and all the little pieces that make up what you call you: the blood, the bones, the cells, the atoms, the DNA, they each contain
copies of the whole universe inside of them. Literally. Physically. Truly.

“The Grace of God is within.” Yah, and the whole universe too.

So what’s this mean? It means that anything you want to have, be, or do, is at this very moment, existing inside of you, right now, at this very moment. And to have be or do it, all you have to do is access the part of you that IS it.

But how would you ever do that? Come with me… down the rabbit hole we go.

You Are The Selectah of Your Reality

Bomba clot bomba clot buck buck buck! Rasta big em up bwoy! That’s right baby, it’s time to get live. Cuz if this party doesn’t involve reggae, I don’t think any of us want any part of it.

See, many people, many schools of thought, talk about the idea of reality creation. “YOU ARE THE CREATOR OF YOUR REALITY” is the mantra. And it’s true. It’s all true.

But it’s even more than that. Because YOU in the capital letter sense is the creator of your reality, is the creator of all things. You in the day-to-day, nine-to-five sense is more like the SELECTOR of your reality. The one who goes shopping and picks out experiences.

Cuz like we said, they’re all there waiting. They’re just sitting there on the shelf, waiting to get noticed. All of them. Imagine them. All of them. Anything you can imagine. It’s out there. And I do mean ANYTHING. Because if YOU can imagine it, it means YOU can experience it. Some may challenge your belief systems about what reality is more than others, but it sure is possible.

Even the big ones. The gravity. The walking through walls. It’s all possible. We have come to this Earth plane to play a particular game with generally agreed to rules to it, but none of them absolutely MUST apply to you. That’s why no matter how much they try to be subdued, there are always tales of yogis and saints who can raise the dead, walk through walls, walk on water, and fly through space. They really believed. You can too. If that’s what you really want…

What DO you really want? THAT, my friends, THAT is your job. To consciously, willfully, joyously, wondrously SELECT your reality. The one you really want. The one that’s calling your name. The one that makes you light up like a christmas tree. The one that makes your toes curl. The one that makes you spin like a dredel. The one that you are just beginning to see right now.

Let’s dig deeper.

Your Perfect Day

There are exercises and then there are blow-your-mind, everything-is-different- now exercises. This one fits into the latter scheme of things. Let’s do it. Right now. Here we go!

Take a few deep breaths. Really do it. One deep breath. Pause. Second deep breath. Pause longer. Last deep breath. It’s showtime.

In your mind’s eye, you see yourself wake up. It’s officially your perfect day. Where are you? What does it smell like? Who’s next to you? What material are your sheets? What’s the temperature? Is it dry or humid? What’s the color of the room you’re in? What are you gonna do today? Do you shoot out of bed or peacefully take in the fact that here you are and lay in bed for a few minutes and center yourself?

Maybe you’re not even inside. Are you on a mountain? Camping in the woods? Floating down a stream? On a boat in the middle of the ocean? In a Bedouin tent in the desert? Let your imagination run wild. Remember, this is your perfect day. The day that everything happens. The day that everything goes right. Let the images, sounds, or feelings reveal themselves to you. And worry not. You can do this exercise over and over and get different results each time. There is no WRONG perfect day and there is not just ONE perfect day. Relax. Have fun!

So you get up. Who are you? What do you do? Do you have a career? Are you retired? What is your diet like? What time do you get up? Do you exercise? How do you start your day?

Now let’s really get a move on! The day’s beginning! Was that special someone a part of your day? What are you guys doing? Eating in? Going out?

Maybe a game of tennis? Some horseback riding? Take in a game? Take a crazy drug? Meditate? Some serious love-making? Maybe an orgy? How about something freaky? Some kinky fetish you’ve never dared try? Let it all in! Are you rich? Are you poor? Do you have the finer things in life? Or maybe simplicity is more your deal? How about transportation? Lear jet? Mercedes? Toyota? Harley? Vespa? Cannondale? Or maybe you like to walk barefoot.

Do you have servants? A lot of them? Do they do the dishes? Do you work towards world peace? Or maybe you are an arms dealer? Do you perform? Maybe you’re a rock star or an actor? Maybe you teach kids? Who knows, maybe even a firefighter or an astronaut? A doctor or a lawyer? A nurse or an accountant? It’s all up to you!

What’s the rhythm of your day like? Is it crazy intense? Are you balls to the wall busy all day? A total adrenaline junkie? Or maybe you’re more the Zen type. Chillin’ like a villain. Taking it all in. You and the Tao, yah, ya’ll are one! Transcendence express. It’s. All. Up. To. You.

Follow the day. Go through it. PLEASE LET YOUR IMAGINATION RUN WILD. Even if you grew up Catholic and you feel guilty about pleasure. Just do it. Just this once. You can blame it on me if God disapproves. I’ve got your back.

Just allow yourself to see what the life of your dreams really looks like. That perfect day. You may have spent your whole life rationalizing why it’s not possible and how it could never happen and how you need to be reasonable and you know what–that’s OK. Maybe you’re right. But at least you’ll know now what unreasonable things you dream of doing with your time.

This exercise cuts through the junk man. It accesses a very wise part of your self, a part that knows a lot more about you than you might think. Let’s just call it the Higher Self.

Go Smell Some Roses

You know it’s not your job to try and figure out how things are going to happen. It’s not what your physical mind was designed to do. For that job, the brain is like Donnie in “The Big Lebowski.” It is OUT OF ITS ELEMENT when it tries to do that.

It’s like the dishwasher trying to make the soufflé or gramma trying to fix the VCR. It ain’t their job! It’s not what they were designed to do. And you, my friend, were NOT designed to figure out how things are going to happen.

Your job is to see, to watch in amazement, as things DO happen. To watch how it all plays out. You, me, all of us, we’re down here in the valley, in the canyon, walking around, not quite sure where we’re going, if we’re heading the right way, if we’re ever gonna make it.

Unbeknownst to many of us, we have a homie with a walkie-talkie. sitting up on the cliff, hanging her legs off the edge, cracking up as we stumble this way and that. But she loves us. She wants to see us succeed. So she radios in. She says “Yo! You better turn back and go around that big ass rock cuz you are gonna end up stuck man. If you just go back a little bit there’s this crazy shortcut that’s gonna get you there with a quickness!”

And for you, walking, all of a sudden you get an URGE, a physical urge, a little nudge in the gut, to turn back and go left. But WHY you ask? That’s SILLY. I don’t need to listen to THAT. That’s just crazy talk. The RATIONAL thing to do is just to keep going.

So, you keep going, you hit the dead end and now you’re pissed. Option two is to NOT do that. And to just listen to the nudge-in-the-gut and head back, take that little path and then dance a little jig when you get where you were trying to go with a quickness.

Cuz I’m trying to tell you, THAT’S YOUR JOB. To walk around and listen for nudge-in-the-guts and then just listen to them. Follow them where they lead. Because they aren’t random. They aren’t inconsequential. They are the product of your homie with the walkie talkie who is watching you from above and can see things you simply can not see.

She can help you make things happen in no time flat. Make the right person appear at just the right time. It’s a game she likes to play… She calls it… synchronicity.

It’s All Synchronicity

Synchronicity. Let me sing thy praises. The doer of all things. The pole star around which I, the atom, the universe, my love, all spins. The amazing ability of the hologram to split itself up into trillions of pieces and cause those pieces to meet at just the right place, just the right time.

Synchronicity. Thou makest me smile, thou makest me weep. I walk in faith, I walk in knowing, with no idea how these plans will ever come to fruition and without fail, there you are. Creating a path. Making the signs become clear. Always there touching me lightly. I look at the clock. 11:11. 3:33. I think of a friend. Ring there’s a call.

S is for the song that I sing in your name.
Y is for the YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH that I scream at your game. N is for the now when you always occur.
C is for the cat of Schrodingers–remember her?
H is for hooray! It happened again!
R is for my for rational mind who wonders can it happen again? O is for oh my god you’re a powerful force!
N is for the way I nearly got off course.
I is for the intensity with which you go berserk
C is for coincidental the way you make things seem to work I is for I’m ready to see you true face
T is for tell me why I came to this place?
Y is for the why, they mystery I see, yes it’s for the mystery that is you and is me.

And now back to our regularly scheduled prose.

Synchronicity is the real deal my friend. It’s the way life should be, which also, synchronistically, happens to be the state motto of the state of Maine where I was born.

Synchronicity is a fully functioning operating system. It’s your day planner and your calendar and your personal assistant. It is a way of living where it is assumed that all things happen as they should and that simply by going with the flow, by taking inspired action, that you will always be at the right place at the right time, getting the things you want faster and easier and more effortlessly than you could possibly imagine.

This is by no means to say that the conventional system, with physical day planner, doing things the way you are supposed to, doesn’t work. It’s just that it’s no MORE effective and it’s far LESS fun.

It is such an amazing thing to live life in a manner where people and situations are continually, and I do mean continually, appearing at just the right moment in the most unexpected, most miraculous ways. It’s enough to make you laugh and scream and cry and write a janky poem singing synchronicity’s praises.

And it’s available to anyone. To everyone. Most importantly, it’s available to you. Right now. You know what your perfect day looks like. You know what is that you want. You know about homie on the top of the cliff sending you walkie talkie signals. Now, all you have to do is have the cojones to walk on faith. To take the actions that you feel inspired to take. To do things that might seem crazy because you know that in order to get from point A to point Z as fast as it takes most people to get from point A to point B, you might have to operate in a manner that looks quite different from everybody else. To be willing to go a little bit crazy. And to know that it’s OK. That you will be assisted. That you aren’t alone.

I, Otis Funkmeyer, am here for you. I have tested this. In fact, I tested it expressly for this purpose. Does it work? Can you “go crazy” and come out on the other end? I was going to write one book. I wasn’t sure if it was going to be a DON’T DO THIS book or a YOU HAVE TO DO THIS book. But life showed me that it works, so here I am, offering it to you. If you get scared, just turn the book over and look at my face and remember that I love you and I support you and I believe in you and that you’re not alone. Homie on the cliff is always there with you.

Facing Your Fears… down the rabbit hole we go

Let’s just get it out of the way. You have lived a lot of past lives. Like millions. Tons and tons and tons and tons and tons. In some of those lives, some pretty gnarly things have happened. You’ve been raped, tortured, murdered, molested, or at the very least, made fun of by the kids at school. And it’s left some trauma. And the trauma is still there. Just like it happened yesterday. And the trauma causes fear and makes you scared to do things that homie on the cliff is encouraging you to do.

And thus we now begin to walk the path of what I will heretofore call The Real Work™.

The Real Work™ is about dealing with, acknowledging, and healing this trauma, so that you can move forward in your life with renewed vigor, strength, and courage.

This is not some support group and this is not about positive thinking or affirmations. This is about going to the deep root of this multidimensional existence. How do we do it? Well, I thought you’d never ask.

First of all, let’s clarify something I said above. You actually didn’t EXACTLY live a lot of past lives. Cuz the truth is that “past lives” only makes sense from one specific time frame. The 3-dimensional past, present, future time frame. Once you jump up even a single dimension, time becomes woven into the fabric of the whole thing, such that there’s just one big eternal now. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. Just different perspectives on the same Now. Eternally.

So from that perspective, what you ARE living is lots and lots of simultaneously existing parallel realities. The reason I make this point is that when you think of these “past lives” as actually existing simultaneously aka right now, you feel a lot more empowered to deal with them. Rather than digging into some mythical past, it’s more like you are some kind of jedi lightworker, hopping into another room and cleaning it up and then coming back.

What’s amazing about The Real Work™ is that when you do it, it’s done. It’s like this. Let’s take the example of Sarah. Sarah is scared of heights. All her life she has been terrified of doing anything that involves heights. She got made fun of in kindygarden when all the kids were jumping off the swing set and Sarah refused. She started crying and mean old Luke, he scared her by almost pushing her off and then all the kids made fun of her again. This event lodged itself deep in Sarah’s psyche and she has done everything to avoid heights for the rest of her life.

Now, for some “strange” reason, Sarah is getting turned on by the idea of skydiving. In her perfect day, amazingly, she was jumping out of a plane. But now that she’s back in reality, she is again terrified by the idea. Sarah has decided, with great courage, to begin The Real Work.™

To begin, Sarah focuses on the part of her body where she first feels the fear. Sarah pictures herself up on a top of a cliff or a bridge and all of a sudden there is a tightness in her chest. Ahh! The chest! We’ve begun. We’ve located where in the body the fear resides.

Sarah now closes her eyes, gets comfortable, and begins breathing. She focuses her attention on her chest, right in the spot where she feels the tightness. She starts seeing colors, feeling warm or cold, smooth or rough. She keeps breathing. Slowly, but surely, images, daydreams begin appearing. She sees the ocean. Blue sky, clouds. What is that? She sees… a ship? Zoom in. That’s… that’s… a woman?? On the ship? It seems like a… pirate ship.

…This is how it works. Things come in hazy, fuzzy at first, it’s hard to believe that it’s actually happening. Just keep going… just keep allowing the images to come…

So there’s a woman on a pirate ship. Sarah asks in her mind what this woman’s name is and it seems like the woman replies Emily. Emily is wearing pirate clothes with pirates all around her. There’s one guy, the captain, he looks like Johnny Depp in Pirates of Caribbean. He’s holding a sword. It looks like a fencing sword. He seems to be pushing Emily… OH NO!!

Emily is on a plank… It starts coming fast and furious now. He’s pushing Emily toward the edge. Her hands are bound. He pushes, he pushes, and then Emily falls off the side. Emily is in the water. Emily is floating away. Emily is floating away. Emily goes under and pops back and then goes under and…. nothing. Emily is gone.

Now is when the process gets interesting. What happens at moments like these is a piece of the soul chips off, unable to handle this level of trauma. It goes into hiding right in the location where the trauma occurred. The soul looks like the person who was traumatized. It decides it can not deal with what it is experiencing so it dissociates. It lodges itself there until someone like Sarah comes along to retrieve it.

So Sarah looks around and immediately feels Emily there, on the ship, hiding behind some boxes. Sarah approaches Emily, who is terrified. Emily has just watched her own death. Sarah introduces herself. “Hi, I’m Sarah. Emily, I want you to know that I am you, from another part of time, and I need your help. See, because of what’s happened to you, I am now terrified of heights. It always feels like I’m dying when I get up high. Emily, I’d like you to come with me now. You’ll be safe with me. There aren’t any pirates where I live. I could use your courage and your comfort with heights in my life. It would mean a lot to me.” The conversation continues for a while. Emily might be scared of leaving. She has been so traumatized that any movement in any direction might feel overwhelming for her. But with enough patience and enough time, Emily will come.

Sarah takes Emily’s hand and together they walk, away from the boat, into white light, and Sarah comes back from her daydream, and she’s sitting on a chair. She feels Emily now, inside of Sarah’s body. Sarah touches her own heart, sealing Emily in.

The next day, Sarah decides to make reservations to go skydiving. She’s scared, but something has changed. The excitement is now equal to the fear. She shows up, and when she’s in the plane, she has a panic attack. I’m not ready! I’m not ready! She takes a breath and feels Emily. Emily is ready. Emily is not scared! Sarah takes another breath and jumps out of the plane. Sarah goes on to become a death-defying jumper, the finest in the land. Her trauma has been healed.
I want to make a personal note now. It would be irresponsible for me to gloss over this. This work can be VERY scary. Especially for people with very unexplained, very deep trauma, the process of recovering the soul fragment can feel like dying. You may have what feels like a near-death experience. If you feel too scared or feel like you’re navigating in waters that are too deep for you, please stop. Please love yourself and stop and wait until you’re ready or seek the counsel of a professional soul retriever like me. I’m serious. This work can shatter all of your ideas about the nature of reality and force you to access parts of yourself that you can scant believe are even there. My first experience with this was recovering a fragment that was sodomized with a knife. I cried a lot. I was very overwhelmed. It took me a long time to process. But I am incredibly grateful for the experience. I am much more free, much more alive.

Let us continue…

The Multi-Dimensional Nature of Existence

How’s that for a mouthful? But it’s true, you know. This whole thing, this reality, is happening on many levels all at the same time. It’s layered, it’s nuanced, it’s subtle, and it can be accessed on any level. They all work. They’re all valid.

It’s like a good piece of art, like “The Matrix.” At its surface, it’s just a kick your butt good action movie. Nothing more to see. Awesome special effects. Incredible explosions. Some hot romance and black leather. On another level, it’s a parable about man’s relationship with technology. It’s a question about how we are to proceed as a civilization. Are we losing something in our soul as we gain electronic interconnectivity? And then, it’s also a tale about reality itself. That maybe this whole reality is a matrix, an illusion of the highest order. Something that when transcended looks very different than we had previously thought. And you know what? They’re all right.

Our good friend Sarah on one level has a fear of heights. That’s it. She goes to a shrink and he tells her to look at images of bridges. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn’t. On another level, Sarah had an experience in childhood that made her fear heights and she could go back to this event and heal it. On an even deeper level, Sarah had an experience in a parallel reality where she died from being pushed off a plank from a height. When we deal with that deeper level of reality, we find two things. The first is that things which seemed to have no explanation and no cure are in fact both explainable and curable. The second is that reality is far far stranger than we previously imagined.

What does it mean if we can just breathe and imagine and heal. And I mean HEAL. Like, no more symptoms. No more booboos. It means that there are whole other levels of reality that are operating simultaneously. When we begin to understand these levels, when we begin to act like they are really there, when we begin to live from them more and more, we find that our life opens up in the most beautiful ways, that our life begins to take on the shape of a story or fable, that the purpose of life turns out to be far different than we had previously imagined.

It’s All A Soul Journey

See, as much as it pains me to write it, as much as it might pain you to hear it, the point of all of this is not to get the hot, flashy spouse or the slick, fancy house, the balling-out-of-control Benz or make the most ends. All of that may be steps along your path. They aren’t invalid. But once you get them, you’ll see that the saga continues. The journey moves on. There is more to it. It just keeps unfolding.

It has to. All of this, all of these perfect days and beautiful desires and The Real WorkTM is all in service to a journey that your soul is having, of which you are but a part. And maybe not even as a big a part as you might hope!

Have you ever noticed how when you finally get what you want, whether it’s a diamond ring, a trip to Paris, a quiet night at home, or a wonderful person to call your own, it doesn’t last. It’s not that you aren’t satisfied, it’s more like this feeling that, well, now there’s gotta be something else, something more. The truth is that all of these desires are in service to a much larger goal. The evolution of the soul.

When we begin to have this understanding, we look at the experiences that come into our life with more wonder, more tolerance, and more understanding. We see that everything that is put in front of us was put there for a reason. That all of this has the potential to evolve our soul. To take us deeper into the journey. The desires keep the journey going, make it exciting. The soul doesn’t care too much about the desires. It cares more about what happens along the way of achieving
them.

It’s in fact a beautifully symbiotic process. You are the little piece of soul with your little piece of soul desires. The soul utilizes these desires for its own ends, figures out how to get what it wants while you get what you want. What the soul wants is usually more simple than what you want. It wants greater compassion, greater understanding, more discipline, more integrity, more action and less talking. So it brings situations into your life to test you. Often times you learn the hard way. You talk too much and don’t work hard enough and you’re broke. Now you’re in pain and you think to yourself that there’s gotta be another way.

So you try again. One step at a time. A little more action, a little less talking. And sometimes it comes into a harmony. You grow willingly, you listen to your guidance and you change. Rather than resist, you flow. When your life does come into this harmony, it is truly a sight to behold.

Reality is a Mirror

When you begin to look at life like this, you start seeing that more and more, your reality looks like a mirror. The people that come into your life more and more seem to be mirrors or different aspects of you. This is not in some airy-fairy theoretical way. I’m talking straight up HOLY CRAP this person thinks EXACTLY about me how I feel about them. I’m attracted to them; they’re attracted to me. I’m mad at them for being selfish; they’re mad at me for being selfish. It’s astonishing when this begins to happen in your life. It makes all of life seem like little more than some dream. It makes you feel like all of the other people are simply figments of your imagination–which at one level they are, just as at one level you are a figment of their imagination.

The beauty of reality being a mirror is that it turns out that reality is neutral. Objective. If you are feeling existential, you could say that reality is indifferent. It just shines back to you what you are. One could say that the purpose of reality is in fact simply to show you who you are and what you are believing to be true. It has no real power to do anything but that anyway.

When we see that reality is actually neutral, there is a corollary that at first glance may be unexpected. You have the ability to get a positive effect out of ANYTHING that happens to you. ANYTHING. Because nothing has a built-in meaning. You decide that the meaning is positive and positive it is. You decide that it’s negative and negative it is. That’s actually what you do. As a personality. You give meaning to a series of neutral events.

And when you make these decisions, you will see that they play themselves out as if by magic. In the most natural ways. Let’s say someone comes up to you in the street and begins to yell at you. Something that almost all of us, myself included, would have an almost knee-jerk reaction to respond to negatively. So that’s what you do. You start yelling back and before you know there is this big commotion and you are worked up and angry and while this altercation takes place, you drop your scarf and now you’re even more angry and this pattern of negativity causes more negative events to occur which causes more negativity until you decide to breathe and come back to neutral.

Now, let’s just imagine another way this interaction could go. Someone comes up to you in the streets, starts yelling at you, and you decide to play along. You start singing the words that he yells like a ballad. You croon “Goooo to hellllll” and attempt to put your arm around him. He pushes you away. You don’t take offense but simply start dancing a jig. You smile and sing and dance and the guy eventually runs out of steam. Despite himself, he begins laughing too. Then the miraculous happens. He starts to sing too. Now there are two of you singing. A crowd starts forming. People start clapping. It’s like a parade has just broken out in the streets. As the parade breaks up, out of nowhere, a friend of yours who you have been trying to get in touch with for weeks walks up to you. She was impressed at your freedom! She’s so excited to see you. It seems to have worked out better than your wildest dreams…

Now as crazy as this story sounds, I would say that at this point in my life, at least fifty to a hundred times something this outlandish and seemingly miraculous has happened to me. And the more I begin to look at reality as a mirror and respond in new ways–with laughter rather than anger, with excitement rather than fear–the frequency that miraculous events occur keeps increasing.

And it’s happening to you too, whether you know it or not. By picking this book up, you are entering into the stream, the field of awareness where these things are happening, ever-faster, ever-faster. For we are right in the midst of the greatest transition in human history.

Welcome to the New Reality

Ahhh! The New Reality! The part that I’ve been waiting for. The amazing exciting world that we are birthing together right now. As we envision it and write it and live it more and more, it crystallizes evermore into existence.

Make no mistakes. We are currently, as we speak, walking on a path headed toward a reality so beautiful, so love-filled, so joyful that it is difficult for even the most pie-in-the-sky optimists like me to believe. A reality of free energy and free love and inner understanding and universal telepathy and time travel and the exploration of inner and outer space.

Toward a surrender into synchronicity and the journey of the soul. It’s happening faster and faster and I first became aware of it through the study of technology, beginning with something called Moore’s Law.

Moore’s Law was created by Gordon Moore himself. Gordon founded Intel. While making chips, Gordon noticed that there seemed to be a trend where every year or so, the power of computer chips was doubling and the price was halving. This seemed to go on year after year. He wrote a paper about it and soon after people started calling the phenomenon Moore’s Law.

Moore’s Law is still in operation today, more than 30 years since it was first noticed. Every year or so, our chip power doubles and the prices halve.

There’s an interesting thing that happens when things double. At first, it’s not a big deal, but as time goes on, the doubling picks up speed, until in just a few short moments it spirals completely out of control. For instance, if a process takes 10,000 years to complete and it doubles every year until the end, in the last year, 50% of the work is done. It took 9,999 years to do 50% and then 1 year to do the rest.

It’s hard at first to wrap your head around, but once you do, you’ll see that it explains a lot of what is happening all around us right now. We are right in the midst of these final years of doubling. For at least a few thousand years, since the discovery of fire and the wheel, human technology has been growing. Every generation has slightly superior technology to the previous one and progress is slow and steady. That is, until now. Now progress is fast and bewildering and everything that was once stable seems to fall apart.

At the beginning of the twentieth century, there were basically no cars, no planes, no phones, no radios, no computers, and a lot of people didn’t have electricity. The internet revolution has transformed the planet irrevocably in less than 20 years and the transformation accelerates daily.

This technology has given us the capacity to understand things like downloading, wireless communication, and the idea of a matrix of thought that crosses the planet. We now have the outer metaphors to understand the workings of the inner reality.

As this process continues to accelerate, those who find themselves “in the flow” find the pace of synchronicity increasing dramatically in their lives. It seems as though the length of time from having a desire to having that desire fulfilled is steadily decreasing.

The logical conclusion of this phenomenon is the total collapse of space-time into an eternal now, which is another way of saying that we’re right in the middle of a dimensional shift.

I had my first inklings of understanding this at the Burning Man Festival. Traditionally, when I go do things, I like to talk about it and plan it out and make a schedule and figure out all the cool things to do. Well, Burning Man is seemingly the perfect place for a person like me. When you arrive, they give you a big book filled with events. The events are happening five or six per hour, twenty-four hours a day, for a whole week.

So what I did was leaf through the booklet and go, OH I’ve GOT to see this and pencil it in. What would inevitably happen though is that on my way to that event, something else would grab my attention. I’d wander by another event or I’d meet someone and they’d invite me to hang out or have a meal or I’d get lost and end up somewhere totally different and have to find something else to do.

After a couple days of this, my left brain got the BSOD. When a Windows computer gets completely overwhelmed, it will flash a Blue Screen of Death (BSOD) and just shut down. All of a sudden and out of the blue. Well, that’s what happened to my brain. There were way too many things happening at the same time for my logical mind to have any ability to figure out what was what and who was who and so my brain BSOD’d.

I was thrust, like it or not, into the flow, into the now, into the Tao, and was forced to sink or swim. I had an AHA moment right then and there. I realized that this is what is coming for all of us, sooner than we may think. Too many new things happening, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, for the logical mind to process. Sink. or swim.

2012: Whatever THAT Means

So like there’s these guys in Mexico and Guatemala right and they like have this crazy calendar with this crazy face on it right and it’s like time is like a fractal and it spins and stuff and it compresses right and we’re like almost at the end of it and then it ends and then nobody knows what right?

So there’s your basic intro to the Mayan Calendar which is the source of all this 2012 hoopla. The ancient Maya, who lived about a thousand years ago, had this calendar, and it works differently than ours because it’s actually two calendars. Well, some guys got to thinking and they started doing some decoding and lo and behold it appears that the calendar goes in these giant cycles, these spirals of time.

There are little itty bitty spirals that last like 20 days and then bigger ones that last like 52 years and then there’s a real big one that lasts a little more than 5000 years. According to these guys, that one’s number is up.

On the other side of the world and a lot more recently a guy named Terence McKenna decoded the I Ching, which is a Chinese divination tool. It works by throwing three coins and it tells you what the state of the present moment is. The idea behind it that time has qualities that can be described. We all know that space has these qualities–like hilly or smooth or desert-like or shopping-malled, but time also has qualities–advantageous, challenging, confusing, clarifying. When you align with the time that you are in, your life moves much more smoothly. You align with the Tao, the hologram itself.

So anyway, this McKenna fella looked at this I Ching thing like a calendar, which no one in recent memory had done. He thought that maybe if you look at it on a long time scale, it will tell you what the quality of long periods of time are. He made his map and checked his dates and found something interesting. He found that his map predicted that something very wild would occur in the year 2012.

Mr. McKenna was not familiar with the Mayan Calendar at that point in time and the idea of a Mayan Calendar ending in 2012 had not even been put forth.

But there it is. Staring us in the face. At least two different sources pointing toward a massive shift happening, right about now.

You can feel it when you look around, can’t you? I see it most in the lack of stability. Nothing is stable anymore. Jobs aren’t stable. Relationships aren’t stable. Living arrangement aren’t stable. Even working for the government isn’t stable. You can’t really rely on anything anymore. You can’t just get a job, get a mortgage, get a spouse, and check out. Go on auto-pilot for the next 50 years. You literally can’t do that anymore. Too much uncertainty. Even our banks and our insurance companies aren’t stable. Hospitals aren’t stable. Hurricane Katrina showed that even our disaster relief isn’t stable. Bridge collapses in Minnesota showed that our roads aren’t stable. Melting permafrost in Alaska showed that our climate isn’t stable.

We are in the great turning. The great shifting. There’s a reason for this you know.

We’re being turned back on ourselves. Turned back on our own soul. Forced to look within for stability. We have begun to leave the age of looking outside for stability. The more you do that, the more painful reality becomes. We are being forced to become yogis and gurus, Zen masters who live in the present moment permanently, always ready for whatever the moment brings. This stuff has moved out of the religious scriptures and into the realm of daily necessity. You may still not see it as you read this. But it’s creeping in a little more each day.

We have boxed ourselves into a corner. As a species. As a global civilization. We have decided to throw off the blankets of history and take our birthright among the stars. And in order to go there, we’ve got to integrate all aspects of ourselves.
The darkness and the light. And we’ve gotta do it fully and we’ve gotta do it fast.

Virtual Reality: The Greatest Drug Ever

Imagine it. Sex. That’s the first thing of course. They say that two-thirds of lucid dreamers dream about sex and lucid dreaming is probably the closest thing we yet have to a physical virtual reality.

All the good nasty stuff. In the butt. Doggy style. Threesomes and orgies. Anything you want anything you need any time you like it. That of course is the prospect that virtual reality holds for us. And it’s coming your way. Lickety split.

Virtual reality also holds out another possibility. The Buddha said that it is our desires that lead to suffering. Our endless, insatiable desires that just keep coming, one after another in a never-ending stream of want. At the same time, the path of tantra posits that we must go THROUGH our desires in order to transcend them, that the world itself contains our enlightenment.

It is possible then that virtual reality will allow us to explore all of our desires, the ones that we dare not imagine actually acting upon in reality. As we do this, as we begin the next phase of integrating into our wholeness, taking in all facets of ourselves, we will transcend duality and live in a permanent state of ecstacy.

There is No Real Reality

When I first got into this stuff, my biggest concern was that there was some “real” reality that was realistic and that I could get too far away from. I could go believing crazy things like that I was capable of living my absolute perfect day and in the attempt, I would go off the deep end and end up broke and alone, unloved and institutionalized.

I hedged my bets until one day I just couldn’t take it anymore. I really believed. So I just went for it. And ever since that day the magic in my life has multiplied in such extreme ways that I can hardly even put it into words.

It turns out that the real reality at the end of the tunnel is the composite of all possible realities. Every reality that everyone can think of. That’s the real reality. So if you can dream it, that means it exists, and if it exists, then you can experience it. It’s just a matter of having the balls to be the one to live it.

That’s the crux of it you know. When you go out attempting to live your perfect day, you realize that it’s seriously scary. In order to live your perfect day, you really have to begin throwing off all the blankets of culture, all the norms and
mores of our civilization. You are likely going to eventually want to do things that you’ve never seen any other human being do. Start a party in the coffeeshop. Go up and make out with someone before you even catch their name–at the grocery store. Start crying at a meeting at work. Dance on the bus. You never know… Once you open up your mind to the possibilities, more and more possibilities start revealing themselves to you, guaranteed.

The beauty of living the reality of your dreams is that you begin to broadcast that frequency into the world to all the other human receivers. You show them that another reality exists, a reality that they too could be experiencing. By being as fully yourself as you can possibly be, you open up that possibility for the rest of humanity, and that my friend, is about a big a gift as you can possibly give.

And this wisdom, this courage, all came to me from the words of an extraterrestrial.

The ETs Are Watching

In 1947, the world was stunned to hear reports of a flying saucer. Some believed, others doubted, most ignored. It’s pretty much gone on like this ever since. Except now the time for games is running out. We as a planet have backed ourselves into a corner. The extreme number of planetary crises is the mirror of our belief systems. We are stuck in one way of dealing with reality and the ability to do so is coming to a close.

It is time for humanity to mature, to look up, and to realize that we are part of a far greater web than we had ever before dared realize. The aliens are watching and waiting, waiting and watching, and the time for contact approaches.

The alien component of This is how you SHOULD think is probably the most powerful of all, probably the most transformative, because it causes you to call everything into question. It allows you to create an open space in your mind where lots of new ideas, lots of new beliefs, can sing and dance in your consciousness.

It is not my desire to lay out a case to make you believe in aliens but I will simply state that the evidence for extraterrestrial existence and visitation is staggering. But it is more of a leap than a proof that gets you to aliens. It’s more about feelings than spreadsheets. You begin to wonder, you begin to look, you begin to consider. And the next thing you know, you begin to dream, you begin to sense, you begin to awaken.

You awaken to a whole part of reality, a whole part of your consciousness, which had previously been locked. It had been locked because it is completely unknown and it’s kind of scary at first. The aliens feel so intangible, so non-physical. You feel like they could appear at any moment, walk through walls. You feel in effect like they are more powerful than you.

But this is just a stage. Because up until this point the aliens HAVE been more powerful than you. You have had your hands tied behind your back and you’ve been jumping on one leg. As you untie your hands and learn to walk and then run, you realize how powerful you are as well. Powerful enough to create any reality you desire and powerful enough to expand into communion with your galactic brothers.

Just remember, once you remove guilt and shame from your toolbox, you will see that nothing is too good nor too simple to be true. Nothing at all.

Follow That Bliss

There’s lotsa ways to say it. Follow Your Bliss. Follow Your Heart. Follow Your Dreams. Follow Your Excitement. It all basically comes down to the same thing. Do what you love. Do what makes you happy. Do what makes your heart sing. Circumstances be damned. The opinions of others be damned.

A lot of people I have met have a lot of ideas, a lot of worries. They aren’t sure whether to go this way or that way, turn left or turn right, write a book or make a movie or start a business. The way to move forward is to move forward. Start
on the first thing and just keep running with it until you get bored and start on the next thing. Just keep moving. Just keep going and just keep growing. The things you will learn as you make your first missteps will help you as you approach your first right steps. There is no wrong way. The only wrong way is just sitting still. And you can even learn from that!

See, when you decided to come to Earth, you really came here to sing your song and dance your dance and it’s high time you up and danced it. Most importantly, what you’re actually going for in this life is not stuff and it’s not success. It’s awesome fun-ness and great times and amazing learning experiences and deep soul-shattering growth!

All of that and more will be yours simply by following your bliss. Wait? Soul- shattering growth by following my bliss? Yes that’s right! You heard it hear first! By following your bliss you will end up in circumstances where you hit dead ends, come up against limitations, and end relationships. All of this can be quite painful but all of it, when gone through, gets you to the next stage where there is even MORE joy than before, even MORE amazement and fantastic experiences, and even MORE opportunity to be even MORE fully yourself.

It’s a wonderful package homie on the cliff has come up with. She tells you to go this way, go that way, and you have wonderful experiences along the way, but she was really leading you to a monster that you now have to face. The same monster you’ve been avoiding all your life. All paths lead to Rome baby. You’re gonna have to face the monster and I guarantee that the fastest, most exciting way to do it by following your bliss.

Jump Way Way Way Off the Cliff

This reality is anything you think it can be. It’s a giant fractalline mirrored hologram. You are that hologram. Both a piece of it and the whole thing. It just depends on what perspective you’re looking from. There’s only one you that will ever exist in the hologram. There wasn’t one before and there won’t be one after. You created yourself to be the most you you can possibly be.

And when you do that, you will realize that there is always more room to grow, always more to push, always more you that you can be. It is a never-ending journey. And it is a journey that will take you so far beyond the workings of ordinary society that sometimes people will barely recognize you.

But you will become initiated into a group of people who have seen edge city. The places where realities blur and mix and meet and where you can become a whole new person in the briefest flash of time.

Your job was to come here and do something new for humanity. To add something to the experience of all of creation. To play your unique role in expanding the idea of creation itself.

You do this by taking it as far as you can, by daring to try things that no one has ever dared tried before, to dream dreams that have never been dreamed, to push the limit of what is possible.

It is not an easy task. There are many fears to face and many obstacles to overcome. It often feels like you might not get out alive. But it creates such excitement, such joy, such passion in your life that it fuels you and once you have a taste for the endeavor, no matter how painful it occasionally becomes, you can never go back.

You will touch it. You will see what this reality is all about. And you will have experiences that many people would not even believe possible. But you will know. And it will make you smile. And for that, it’s all worthwhile!

Frequently Asked Questions

In case you have some questions about your experiences after reading the book, we have setup a list of common questions we have received. If you are not able to find the answer you are looking for below, please feel free to contact the author directly through any of the various telepathic communication channels.

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About the Author

I’m Otis Funkmeyer and I wrote this book.

This is the book that I always wanted to have. Something very short and very sweet.

Something I could easily read in one sitting.

Something I could read over and over just to be reminded of how reality works and about how I could live a joyous life with real depth and integrity.

I go through it every so often and change something here or add something there. It’s a living, breathing organism. That makes me happy.

The findings in this book led me to being a street performer. Your mileage may vary.